The Final Battle!
by jennifer snape
Summary: What happens to the inhabitants of Hogwarts when the DARK MARK strikes? Lots of silliness... in RHYME!


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The Dark Mark Strikes

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What happens to the inhabitants of Hogwarts when the DARK MARK strikes?

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Hermione Granger is very upset,

For Crookshanks has buried a mouse in her bed,

And Ron thinks it's Scabbers so he's in a mood,

And Harry is walking around in the nude!

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But what's this? The Dark Mark? Above Hogwarts' tower?

Thank goodness that Harry's got out of the shower,

Now really, Alastor, this isn't the time –

To open a bottle of Slughorn's new wine

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Now Hedwig is hooting while Sirius Black -

And Gilderoy Lockhart flee on Buckbeak's back

"Onwards you hippogriff! Fly like a bee!"

He shouts as he autographs 'Magical Me'

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They're leaving a shadow upon the school doors,

And far below, Fred and George argue the cause,

"It's Superman! Really!" "Oh don't be absurd -

It's only a trick of the light or a bird"

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Parvati and Padma, their voices are raised,

While arguing just _who _should get to date Blaise,

The Slytherin lets the girls fight tooth and nail,

While eyeing up Pansy, who's Beyond The Veil

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And look is that _Cedric_? He's back from the _grave?_

But nobody cares because Dobby's just laid -

An egg, that's just cracked, to reveal what's inside….

….an old hard-backed copy of 'Jekyll and Hyde'?

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And oh dear, Hermione's strangling Viktor,

Just because she would have liked if he picked her -

To go to the Yule Ball with him, as they'd said,

But that was before he fell in love with Fred

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And meanwhile, in Gringotts, an unknown Death-Eater,

Is flirting quite shamelessly with Rita Skeeter!

He suddenly remembers his task in hand,

So "Show me the money!" he quickly demands

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He threatens a goblin and looks for the keys,

Whilst trying to grasp them he lets out a _SNEEZE!_

The goblins, quite wisely, shut down all the vaults,

Then have a relaxing bathe with their bath salts

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But back in the castle, it's quite safe, you'll see,

To say that the Weasleys should certainly leave,

For all they are doing is hitting eachother,

And Ginny is violently hexing her brother

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"Charlie and Percy! Shove Ron in a cupboard -

- if he flies that car off!" cries his irate mother,

Fleur is chasing Bill all over the place,

(He bet their savings on a thestral race)

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Dumbledore's singing a lovely rendition -

Of Bing Crosby's 'White Christmas' loud in the kitchen,

But why is he baking potatoes and ham,

While eating a croissant with Dobby's new jam?

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Behold! There is Frodo! The Hobbit! How cool!

Come to give career advice at the school!

"I'm lost, you big idiot - where am I at?"

And so Harry hands him the Marauder's Map

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And poor Neville, bless him, is crouched on a log,

Thinking of that incident in the bog,

For try as he might he still cannot forget,

The Blast-Ended-Skrewt that killed his lovely pet

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SUDDENLY! In the grounds, Voldemort's here!

His Death Eater friends are starting to appear!

So now it's the showdown, yes everyone get -

Your wands at the ready, and prepare to hex

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The sparks from the flying spells shimmer and gleam,

Like hundreds of Bertie Bott's flavoursome beans,

"Expecto Patronum!" A porcelain dolly

Shoots out of the end of Hagrid's rose-pink brolly

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Oh please just tell Moody he'd need not waste time,

Trying to conjure a bottle of wine,

Because I'm quite sure, and I really don't think -

That Voldemort only popped round for a drink

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Eventually, later on, everyone's tired,

Thank goodness for that new Jacuzzi they hired,

The bubbles are soothing and help them to find -

A less stressful way to resolve this old fight

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"Let's sort it by chess!" says an excited Ron,

(Because every game he has played he has won),

"Quidditch is better!" cries Harry aloud,

"No! We've not got brooms!" shout Voldemort's crowd

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Malfoy says "Why don't we run in a race?"

Ron shoves a big cream pie in Draco's face,

Finally, everyone comes to see that -

The only solution is _Exploding Snap_

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The tension is mounting as green eyes meet red,

A furious game of _Snap_ comes to a head,

Harry has always been quick of the mark,

But Voldemort, too, is incredibly sharp

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They both end up cheating in order to win,

So Dumbledore throws all the cards in the bin!

"I'm fed up of all this!" he's finally said

"Let's end it, I'm tired, I'm going to bed!"

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He goes to bed. Everyone shrugs their shoulders and start cleaning up the mess in the

grounds.

Then they all go home.

And that is how the final battle ended!

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And there you have it! I do hope you enjoyed it; I'd love it if you tell me if you had a

favourite part!


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